Puddles.

Small note, part writing practice/part emptying the mind tank, concerning a mindset I’ve noticed flaring up and dying down amongst fellow foreigners I know. Including myself.

Loneliness.

That unavoidable void devoid from, well, people.
Or person. Usually one.

Some label them as ‘The One’.

Now I don’t subscribe to the theory that there is only one person destined to be your husband/wife/partner/co-habitant/blanket thief. I think it’s silly. There are far too many interesting people out there that I often have a hard time being attracted to just one person. This really comes out when my selection pool of whom I find attractive is dehydrated down into a puddle when moving to a city such as Shijiazhuang.

Frankly it’s easier not even thinking about it, and busying myself with other things. It works most of the time. Travel has become easier with the Internet; I can talk to almost everyone back home at every time of the day/night and keep relatively up-to-date.

I think back enviously terrified to my aunty, who traversed the world many times over, back to when her postcards were like gold and A2 sized maps were almost torn in half by the leftover pinholes of past towns she visited. I wonder how she felt, going to these amazing places with no safety communication blanket.

And I wonder if the Internet has in some way ruined my own experience.

Can I never feel fully complacent being by myself when I know there is so much technology out there being used to connect us all? Can I never want to be alone because being alone is now a twisted privilege accessible by those we call dysfunctional and peculiar? I know I don’t want to be alone forever, but I don’t want to feel guilty or confused because I don’t feel like I have the choice to be alone.

Don’t get me wrong; I’d love for a ‘someone else’ to enter my life.
But I’m also content with the fact that the time for that is probably not now.
I need more pin holes in my own map.

E.

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